Tell her she can't have a vagina
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i came on her dog
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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