Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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