I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
God I need to hump something, right now.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
