just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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