It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
