I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just had sex bonerless
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
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His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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