I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
