I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Please, let me fuck your mom
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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