id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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