So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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