Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
