someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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