I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
