I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
