he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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