Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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