She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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