we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
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I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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