The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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