end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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