im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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