sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
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