if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
