I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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