If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
