Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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