so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
