Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
