I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
