last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
cat food counts as protein by the way
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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