I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
