my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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