He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
