Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
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The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
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i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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