Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
