yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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