My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
