i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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