I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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