The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
