Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
