guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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