I accidentally burped into my bong.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
