Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
