I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
