You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Text me some of your sweat
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
