no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
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She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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