It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
