you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
