Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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