Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.