i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize