Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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