I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
