piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
