It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
