so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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