when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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