my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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