You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
