i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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