Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
