seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize