Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
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We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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