the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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