this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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