Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
