I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
