Barsexuality is the new black.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
