I can tuck mytits in my pants
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
