my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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