honey bunches of taint.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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