the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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